Powerful Families & Their Dysfunctional Opposites

A common question that I get asked is, "How can I be a powerful person, like Jesus in my family relationships?" There isn't a cut-and-dry answer because each family is different and its dynamics are hard to understand unless you are inside the family. But by examining what we see from the life of Jesus and whole, healthy families, certain truths are made clear. Below are 6 Traits of Powerful Families & Their Dysfunctional Opposites and you can check out the sermon "6 Traits of Powerful Families" for more!

In Powerful Families - 01. Love is the Driving Emotion
In Dysfunctional Families - 01. Fear is the Driving Emotion
It has been said that every action and every emotion can be taken down to two roots, fear or love.
If you ask yourself the question, “What am I afraid will happen?” and you get an answer, fear is at the root.

Powerful Families – 02. High Autonomy, Low Control
Dysfunctional Families - 02. High Control, Low Autonomy
Definition of Autonomy - the ability to make your own decisions without being controlled by anyone else.
As children age, parents let go of control and encourage autonomy. When a child leaves the home or gets married, parents have no control. Healthy relationship skills are then valued to maintain connection.
This graph shows the progress of autonomy:

Powerful Families – 03. Take personal responsibility
Dysfunctional Families – 03. Blame shift, usually to those they deem
I expect respect from my children, not because I am the parent, but because I am respectful and model respectfulness.
You cannot expect something from others unless you walk in it and take personal responsibility yourself.

Powerful Families – 04. Vulnerability and authenticity are practiced
Dysfunctional Families – 04. Performance and shaming are encouraged
Lying and hiding are hallmarks of dysfunctional families because love is tied to performance.
Shaming is not allowed in healthy families. Vulnerability and authenticity create an atmosphere for support to change.

Powerful Families – 05. Believe the best about others
Dysfunctional Families – 05.  Speak the worst about others
Dysfunctional families demean others to diminish or hide their dysfunction instead of confronting the areas they have problems.

Powerful Families – 06. Rubber band, they return to joy quickly
Dysfunctional Families – 06. Fracture, are brittle from dysfunction
All families have elements of dysfunction. To measure that they practice healthy powerful traits is to the measure that they are able to stretch when difficulties arise.
Dysfunctional families are brittle because of the ongoing negative traits and even normal situations are powder kegs.